The Last Breath

As I talked to Eric my Step-Granddad as we sat in A&E at Brighton Hospital, my heart and core knew he was very poorly, but my eyes didn't want to show him I knew.

He way laying on the hospital trolley, experiencing intermittent pain, but his usual happy disposition was still coming through!

"i don't think I'll be going dog walking today, I think I'll have a rest day"

He said in his usual loud, clear and upbeat voice. I replied that yes I agreed it should definitely be a day in bed, and that he may feel better tomorrow. He gripped my hand as the short burst of pain returned.

"I've got double vision. That sign on the door says R E S U SR E S U S. I can see it's two words but they are overlapping"

As he looked at the door going into the resuscitation area that only had one word on it, not two

My partner and I had looked after Eric for a few years leading up to this day.

We had witnessed him moving into dementia, as his short term memory lessened, went into loops and yet remained largely unaware that it was doing this, due to his happy nature.

He was sure he was fine, and yet at times he accepted his memory was a bit wonky!

As he laid on the trolley I gently kept the conversation going, until he said it was too hard to talk as the pain was increasing

He gripped my hand and looked straight into my eyes. I was met with a 'knowing', he knew this was serious. His eyes looked so deep into me, all the clouds of dementia disappeared as we connected without words

The consultants came and took him for a CAT scan as they upped the painkillers

On his return he was deeply asleep

His health deteriorated very quickly from that point

We stayed with him late into the night, thinking he may transition to whatever follows this life...

We played his favourite songs from his time in the Navy, and whispered he was safe to go.

He was always a very determined and stoic man, his passing was no different as his breathing and heart rate improved!! Sadly, the condition in his gut meant there was no turning back.

He wouldn't survive surgery, he was on a one way road.

The Drs followed their protocol and the care Eric received was full of compassion, respect and love

When his time came to let go and to fly with the clouds, I was by his side.

As I held his hand, stroked his forehead and whispered into his ear that it was time to let go,

I spoke of all the life he had lived, all the people and family he had known, and all the loved ones who he was moving towards

As the medication soaked into his cells, his body fully relaxed, as he shrugged and made himself comfortable, whilst smiling and then took his last breath.

To be there at that moment was such an honour, as he slipped away to join the universal energy and to become...well who knows..

It's our life force that makes us who we are, so to witness the shift of that energy from him being 'A live' to not was very special.

This was the beginning of my journey as a Celebrant. Thank you Eric